consider this a call to action. with so many ridiculous links.

instead of publicy professing my love and devotion

for one of my blogger friends or real life friends,

i'm going to take this time to discuss someone

very near and dear to my heart.

this girl is truly breaking my heart.

gone are the days of the amanda show,

what i like about you,

what a girl wants,

and she's the man.

it's like i didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. 

is easy a really the last happy memory 

i will have of her?

she can tell the world she's "fine" all she wants.

all i hear is,

"i'm sad and lonely.

i just spend $11,000 on extensions.

i need a hug."

[she really spent eleven thousand dollars on hair extensions.]

WHY WON'T SOMEONE JUST HUG HER!?!?!?!?!?!

tip: for a more familiar hug,

lean to the side that still has hair. 

if you happen to be wearing lipgloss,

i suggest you lean to the shaved side

for a less awkward-awkward hug.

i just want to be her friend.

to get her back.

to help her out.

i'm not joking when i say

her twitter feed makes me legitimately sad.

and i just found this site that makes everything worse.

IT ALL JUST HURTS MY HEART.

she will always be my friend.

the one to taught me how to prank call.

the one to showed me anger problems are okay.

the only who lived my dream of kissing

channing tatum, nick zano, and that one british boy.

amanda taught me it's okay to be weird.

weird = okay + career starter. 

in honor of my fallen friend,

i have caught myself saying this classic phrase

on multiple occasions. 

it's just so perfect for every scenario. 

oh, and one more thing.

can someone please tell me

why she thinks she's sailor moon?

when a day off is also a sick day it's only natural to do the following.

watch enough 30 rock

to deserve some night cheese.

procrastinate writing wedding "thank you" cards

with homemade valentine's cards

you will [also] probably never get around to mailing.

watch toddler's and tiaras

until you hate yourself and every five-year-old

with better makeup and hair than you.

self-medicate with ginger ale

to the point of bursting.

webmd yourself into a paranoid frenzy

and get upset when facebook and instagram

aren't updated every time 

you click refresh.

paint your nails.

mess up your nails.

repaint your nails.

realize you will never be good at nail art.

accept defeat in the form of a glitter topcoat. 

sit on your livingroom floor and cry

because your husband is on a business trip

and you got an eggshell in your brownies.

| | | | |

let us all just take a moment

and thank the heavens we have passed this hump

and it's just one more day

'til friday.

halle-freaking-lujah. 

someone, please, make my heart stop beating so fast.

it was amazing.

i realize i'm behind the curve.

it's fine.

i don't care.

my heart, oh my heart.

it's aching. 

i knew the ending.

i knew jack died.

i just didn't know how.

i didn't know the details.

i didn't know their love.

and what a love it was.

i bawled like a baby. 

so many times.

i didn't really cry when he died.

i cried before.

i cried because it wasn't fair.

because i knew their love would survive, but he wouldn't. 

my heart hurt so much for them.

i clutched my chest as the tears flowed.

i watched them fight for life. 

for love. 

i cried for all the lives lost.

the families separated.

the people who didn't make it.

the people who didn't stand a chance. 

here i am.

sitting in my apartment at 12:53 in the morning,

crying my eyes out.

it might sound silly, 

but it was so real for me.

that love. 

that unwavering love was so strong.

"i trust you."

and this,
this may very well be the most perfect,
heartbreaking moment i've ever seen.
the couple holding each other in bed.
the mother comforting her children.
ah.
i need to stop.
i'm bawling again.

true story.

all this baby talk/having/loving is making me sad.

and when baby-mania is combined with spring fever,

i get really sad.

these are the kind of emails i send when i'm sad. 

I want a puppy.

I'm rocking a perma-sadface right now because I can't have one.

Just a little one.

A fluffy one.

One that will love me and cuddle with me and let me pet it.

Eeeeh. Maybe not FLUFFY fluffy. 

Every time I think fluffy, I think of this and I don't want that. 

Also, I keep spelling fluffy, fluffLy.

My brain is sad.

So sad.

I just want a puppy.

A nice little pal.

One that can live inside my home. 

And wag its tail when I open the door.

Not a yippee puppy, a happy puppy.

Heart.Frowns. 

Sorry for the depressing email.

I can't help what I feel.

Oh yeah.

I love you. 

and puppies.

:( 

sidenote:

if you don't love albus or puppies in general,

 you might not have a soul. 

sidenote to the sidenote:

sorry. 

i didn't mean to say you don't have a soul.

that was rude.

but it wasn't me, i promise. 

it's the iwapbichap* depression talking.

*i want a puppy but i can't have a puppy

:( 

brown and yellow. brown and yellow.

besto is leaving me on monday.

she's going to india to save lives for a month. 

everyone keeps asking me 

what i'm going to do.

i wish they'd stop asking

because i still have no idea.

on a brighter note, 

i am now accepting applications

for replacement bff-lizzles for the month of june.

.requirements.

own a bicycle or a set of wheels.

preferably wheels powered by your legs and not an engine. 

have an incredible amount of patience.

apparently i get annoying and sing cher's believe whenever i get bored. 

be able to decipher my text messages.

i often misspell things and never fix them. 

own a macbook.

that way i can take beautiful pictures.

let's be honest,

the wheels are the only real requirement

and the rest are just bonus points. 

brutal honesty from a high school junior.

friday night, i stood huddled with my family around the community desktop

while ashley showed us susan boyle's britain's got talent audition.

i turned to james and said,

"next year, we're auditioning for american idol."

as soon as i finished my sentence, ashley whipped her head toward me

and started laughing so hard her face turned red and she stopped breathing.

i think i saw a tear or two escape her eye.

talk about the worst reality check ever.

i guess i'm more tone-deaf than i thought...

adios amigo

provo tabernacle.

1883 - 2010.

empty words

i don't know what to do about this.

so i think i'm just going to pray.

pray and hope everything works out.

solo

Blogger.com is being a little ri-tard right now, but I want to blog, so I have to write my little thoughts out on Microsoft Word.  So please excuse the proper capitalization at the beginning of every sentence.  {sometimes that bothers me}. 

Okay kids, here’s the deal.  Everyone is gone. EVERYONE.  I am alone in my apartment until Beth comes back on Sunday.  I don’t like it.  I wish that everyone could just stay.  There are so many people I am going to miss because they are leaving Provo or they are moving away from the Riv.  It’s not fair.  Why can’t things just stay the same?  Why does everything start getting perfect and then BAM!  life has to go and screw things up.  My friends are leaving me.  We’re going to grow and learn and experience a lot of different things this summer.  We’re going to go through a lot of things without each other. 

My people will come back to me, but it’s not going to be the same.  We won’t live in our little complex anymore.  We’ll be scattered all over this little corner of the valley.  It hurts.  It scares me.  Right now, I am not a fan of change.  I want to rewind these past three months and play them over again.  I want my friends to stay and for us to have an endless summer. 

i.don’t.like.this.hurt.