goodnight moon.

surrounded by four tan walls that used to be 

a sanctuary from the world,

from the secret whispers

and the heartache.

walls that know hot, flowing tears

and a desire for change.

that have seen the lowest

and darkest corners a heart can house. 

walls that hold dreams

and the promise of hope.

four walls that remained constant

when everything shifted.

walls that offered nothing 

but a room to sleep away the old

and wake up to a new day,

a clean slate

and a fresh start. 

two oh nine.

i really should be more tired than i am.

but i'm not.

hmmmmm.

i guess that's what mashed potatoes + dr. pepper does to you me.

i have so many things i want to say but they'll have to wait.

so many things happening soon but you can't know yet.

i love change.

it doesn't scare me this year. 

i find myself embracing it and seeking it out.

change is good.

it helps us grow.

mmmm.

tomorrow.

tomorrow.

tomorrow.

ay ya yaaai.

sidenote:

i'm bored.
with...everything.
i want to change something.
right now my hair seems the easiest/fastest.
can you please help me decide?
i don't know what i should do with it but i want it to be different.

here's the tricky part.
i'd dye it, but i sometimes like my natural color becuase it gets lighter during summertime.
i'd cut it, but i've been trying to grow it out forEVER.
i'd get bangs, but those will annoy me in a week or two.
i'd re-step it, but i am currently hating the grow out process {and it's taking aaages}.

please help me.
i am honestly open to suggestions.
i'd try just about anything.

or if you can think of another way to get me out of my bored funk...
holler at your girl.
{yes that was intentional because we all know i know how to be ghetto.}

little thoughts.

about a month ago i had a good friend tell me something.

he said something along these lines. 

brissa. 

you can't expect anyone else to change your life. 

 if you want something to change, you have to be the one to do something about it.

thanks bud.

i'm trying.  it's hard, but i'm trying. 

i miss you. 

solo

Blogger.com is being a little ri-tard right now, but I want to blog, so I have to write my little thoughts out on Microsoft Word.  So please excuse the proper capitalization at the beginning of every sentence.  {sometimes that bothers me}. 

Okay kids, here’s the deal.  Everyone is gone. EVERYONE.  I am alone in my apartment until Beth comes back on Sunday.  I don’t like it.  I wish that everyone could just stay.  There are so many people I am going to miss because they are leaving Provo or they are moving away from the Riv.  It’s not fair.  Why can’t things just stay the same?  Why does everything start getting perfect and then BAM!  life has to go and screw things up.  My friends are leaving me.  We’re going to grow and learn and experience a lot of different things this summer.  We’re going to go through a lot of things without each other. 

My people will come back to me, but it’s not going to be the same.  We won’t live in our little complex anymore.  We’ll be scattered all over this little corner of the valley.  It hurts.  It scares me.  Right now, I am not a fan of change.  I want to rewind these past three months and play them over again.  I want my friends to stay and for us to have an endless summer. 

i.don’t.like.this.hurt.