uhhhh....no.

"write about something difficult about your lot in life

and what you're doing to overcome it."

i promise i'm not backing out of this one.

i promise.

i promise.

i promise.

the timing isn't right for sharing.

it doesn't feel right in my heart.

not today. not tomorrow.

soon.

everything always makes better sense

on another day.

i swear i will come back to this.

i swear i'm not a cheater.

i swear i will open my heart

and spill my struggle

and probably cry.

just.not.today.

sidenote:

day sixteen and day twenty

are basically the same thing.

so i'll probably just keep excusing myself

until i'm ready to talk.

sometimes peer pressure just doesn't work on me.

i just snap all those chats.

today i get to take you through

a day in the life of me.

how exciting.

since i already explained

what i do and how i spend my days.

i'm going to show you the details through pictures.

and by pictures i mean snapchats.

because snapping generally takes up

most of my day.

so many snappy-selfies are about to happen.

and no, they weren't all taken

on the same day.

suuuuuue me.

i guess i just really like cheese.

oh, 

and i vacuum packed some blankets today.

ten things that make me really happy.

other than the obvious: 

"family! friends! puppies!"

| | fresh journals | |

crisp, white pages.

lined or unlined with the promise

of secrets and adventure. 

| | thick knit scarves | |

because they are my favorite sign of fall.

especially when combined with apple cinnamon tea,

crunchy leaves, and the longing for a new semester.

| | falling asleep in the sun | |

baking and letting the sunshine soak

every negative thought and ache.

waking up crisp and golden and healed.

| | beating all my athletic competitors at 'just dance.' | |

because i don't have to be a runner in order to 

shake what my mama gave me

and shake it real good. 

| | fabric softener | |

on clean sheets and giant sweaters.

fabric softener reminds me of college 

and my mom insisting she do my laundry whenever i visit.

fabric softener was always her gift to me. 

| | a real good ugly cry | |

the kind that rips your soul right before

the seams burst. 

the kind that, when finished, 

brings the sunshine back. 

| | my wedding day bouquet | |

i will never in my life be more in love

with a floral arrangement ever again.

those flowers. that day. 

nothing in my life has ever been more perfect. 

| | cruising down to the lake| |

that summer when lillie became one of my best friends.

we rode and vented and laughed

all the way down the trail.

she just gets me. 

| | having a complete connection when writing | |

a stream from mind to pen with absolutely no filter.

no thought of what is happening.

just letting it be. 

| | cory | |

like i need to explain this one. 

"issue a public apology."

sorry 

i'm not sorry.

for anything.

no regrets.

texas forever.

a place in life i miss.

friday night,

cory took me to see "the great gatsby."

leo almost made me cry five times.

i have always loved him.

i will always love him.

i can't even talk about how much i enjoyed this film.

we sat behind these two high school girls.

at one point in the movie,

homegirl turned to her friend and said,

"old sport, old sport, old sport. come ooon."

in the most sarcastic tone.

i wanted to pop her on the back of the head.

as we walked out of the theater,

i saw homegirl.

a braid so long it looked like a tail

growing out of her crooked cut-offs.

i glared at her profile as i heard her say,

"i almost fell asleep like five times.

it was so boring."

oh no she di'int.

with a dropped jaw i said,

"how do you fall asleep during 'the great gatsby'?"

but she didn't hear me. 

she was too obsessed with her

mousy braid tail and acting cool.

this is the time in my life i miss.

the only time i wish i could revisit.

if i could,

i would stop her.

i would make her stare into my eyes,

straight into my gatsby loving soul

and say,

"how can you  almost fall asleep during 'the great gatsby'?

do you really think you're better than that?

you're no better than daisy.

you're a fool.

i hate you."

can someone please just go watch this movie

so i can talk to them about it?

please?

i'm seriously about to go titanic

on this shiz.