....but what if i don't ever feel that?

i'm one of those people
who doesn't tend to get embarrassed.
honest.
last night i asked cory what my most
embarrassing moment was and we both drew blanks.

but don't worry.
i'm not getting out of this that easy.
here is a list of situations
that make me feel awkward or stupid.
awkward and stupid but not embarrassed.

or is feeling awkward and stupid
the definition of embarrassment?!!!?!
i don't know!

Δ   Δ   Δ 

being asked to pee in a cup

and suddenly getting stage fright. 

Δ   Δ   Δ 

meeting people for the first time
and getting so excited to talk
i jumble all my words
and sound like a complete idiot.

Δ   Δ   Δ 

high school.
at the mall with my sister.
trying to play hard-to-get
with the boys we walked by.

Δ   Δ   Δ 

that one time i went to lillie's 
wedding party and i realized
i had on two different shoes.
both black, but one pizza and one rounded.

Δ   Δ   Δ 

high school.
outside jeff's house 
waiting to go to the coldfire concert,
bragging about my high-kick.
starting it,
jumping a little too high
and landing on my butt.

Δ   Δ   Δ 

this is my life.

making out in the front seat

like hormone-hyped teenagers,

you're transported to 

"the old days"

when making out was the cheapest thrill.

hugging as close as the center console allows,

you breathe in last summer

and remember sunshine.

knock.

knock.

knock.

the dream is broken.

night is back and blacker than ever.

fond memories are replaced by fresh nightmares

when you realize your mother-in-law

is the one who knocked.

kill.me.now.

this is what true love looks like.

we went to the cheesecake factory

to celebrate jutraas' birthday/lsat rocking.

justin pulled out his phone and said, 

"oh lovebirds, let me document this love."

i started out smiling
and he was kissing me on the cheek.

before the picture was taken,

i felt him pull away

and heard a "whhhaaa??!" reaction from the other diners.

i knew what was coming.

the.awkward.never.stops.

at least 97% of our pictures together

look like this.

awkward and blurry.

one day i'll make a coffee table book titled, 

"snuggle bunnies"

filled with our awkward please-don't-touch-me pictures.

it shall be passed from generation to generation.

sidenote:

ignore that weird reflection on my boob.

i don't know what it is,

but i can promise you it's not a stain or normal.

random patches of my boobs don't shimmer through clothes. 

i'm not a vampire. 

i'm just happy my straw protecting tendencies

were documented again.

moral of the story:

cory + brissa = awkward + kewl

brissa = not a vampire + straw protector

snuggle bunnies = my book title. steal it and die.

pattern

it was only natural 

for me to document my face 

during my last finals week ever.

i hope my future children 

can appreciate the fact that

all my self-portraits from 2011-2012

generally include 

closed eyes, pained expressions of happiness,

strained smiles and peace signs. 

pre-final study time. 

post-final elation

pre-graduation walk.

sidenote: 

even though none of these pictures are instagrammed, 

they are a perfect example for why i don't instagram.

if people knew how many pictures 

i actually took of myself 

and how many different filters i use

on one picture,

i'd be the laughing stock of the instasociety. 

srsly....

sooomanypictures. 

consider this a 57 minute commercial break.

last night i parked my car and sat.

it was dark and i was alone.

i sat and cried.

it wasn't nearly long enough 

 or hard enough,

but i cried.

i cried and my mind cleared.

after my waterworks,

i ate some almonds and thought about life.

i'm not sure what's going on right now,

but i know i need to focus on me.

i hate how terribly selfish that sounds,

but it's something i need to do.

during my almond chomping/life pondering session
[blue diamond is da booomb]

i realized i need to simplify my life.

simplify as in back to basics.

facebook.

pinterest. 

g-reader.

twitter.

blog.

paused for the time being. 

in this specific situation, 

"the time being" 

is unknown.

days/weeks/months/light years...

as long as it takes. 

this is weird. 

i feel like i'm telling secrets to a friend

i've never really shared secrets with before.

but, i'm telling you so you know.

i'm not dead.

i'm not ignoring you.

i'm just being selfish.

that being said,

please don't judge me if you see me back on here 

after a rather short hiatus.

it just means my addiction won. 

sidenote:

mr. zuckerberg turned deactivating facebook personal.

i almost reconsidered pressing "deactivate" when these happy faces popped up.

what a sly little computer nerd. 

and with that,

i bid you farewell.

i promise to be back soon[ish]

and when i do, 

i'll be good as new.

filled with stories and adventures,

hipster pins and #30rock tweets.

.....wellp.....

......ookaay......

.....byeee.....

......?......

[don't worry, i end telephone conversations even more awkwardly than that].

fact: spicy cabbage turns asian food mexican

the eleven best words in the english language are:

"i've got this gift card

to applebee's.

can i take you?"

yes, yes you can.

and while we're there, 

just to make it interesting, 

how about i see the family of an old flame

and make eye contact with his parents? 

then i can awkwardly avoid saying hello

and immediately feel guilty

causing me to send my heartthrob-turned-homie the following message:

"i just saw your family at applebee's 

but i didn't say hi because i was sitting/eating

and they were waiting.

please tell them i didn't mean to ignore them,

i'm just an awkward human."

why me, america?
whhhhhy meee?!?!

oh well,
i'll take good company, free food
and awkward encounters
over dirty dishes any day. 

yogurt parfaits at work.
delicioso.
blue flannel + orange cardigan.
perfect {almost} rainy weather outfit.

awkward half-face/peace sign kodak moment.
priceless. 

black on back.

today i'm wearing an open, creme top over a red tank top.

boss-lady walked by my cubicle and said,

"oh, what a cute top! what is on the back?"

she walked up to see the design 

{it's a semi-open back with floral designs 
so the red underneath is visible}

and suddenly got awkward, mumbled something about it being cute 

and quickly walked away.

"well that was strange," i thought.

i turned to see if there was something on my back

and noticed a black strap.

that's right.

my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder* was just sitting there,

chilling out for the whole world to see.
so much for "professional" attire.
i knew i should have gone nude today
{the color, not the lifestyle}.

*please tell me you remember saying that in elementary. it was the rage phrase after maturation and all the girls started wearing them to support their mosquito bites buzzumbas.

yellow shorts and hipster hair.

while riding my cruiser to work this morning 

i noticed a figure of a {hipster} man in the distance.

welcome to the dialogue in my brain.

 top of the sidewalk:

uhhh...is that..? is that who i think it is...?

oh whhhy did i ever touch face with that him?

middle of the sidewalk:

oh geez, if this is him, this could be really awkward...for him.

i wonder if he hates me for never texting back...

oh, now i hope it's him.

let the "i'm going to make you feel so awkward" games begin!

end of sidewalk:

too short. not him.

awkward olympics cancelled.

fml.

well...this is awkward....

okay, so when little miss thang over here nominated me,
i thought long and hard about not blogging about it.
then this spicy lady gave me the same thing.

ummmm..
don't get me wrong. i'm grateful and flattered, 

i just feel awkward for even considering responding to this 

let alone posting about it in the traditional
"seven get to know you questions" format.

but watching the oscars made me wish i was famous
and i fear this is the closest i will ever get to holding
a golden, naked mini-man in my hands. 

mark my words, i will attend a red carpet event before i die. 

{one} 

i am half-ecuadorian, half-american. 

shout out to my parents for mixing the bloodlines and making zebra children.

{two}

my nails have been painted almost every day for the  past two years. 

unpainted toenails make me gag. 

{three}

i love my family with my entire heart. 

i can't even begin to tell you how much.

just know it's more than a billion unicorns, a zillion robots 

and my first born with james.

yeah...kiiind of a big deal.

{four}

scuba diving is one of my favorite summer sports.
i can moonwalk on the ocean floor like nobody's biznass.
that being said, i am deathly afraid of snorkeling. 

{five}

i am obsessed with youtube videos. 

i don't even have to find them anymore, they find me. 

{six}

i am four episodes away from finishing the sixth season of lost

and have been since last summer...

{seven}

i  am currently obsessed with:

ke$ha and death cab. 

how i met your mother and glee.

my main man billy and writing. 

stripes, blazers and colored tights. 

now on to some actually stylish/hip bloggers.

every time i read these blogs i wish i could take little pieces of their lives and keep them for myself.
so stylish. so nice. so hip. so phresh.  

kelli || chronicles of she

jenni || jenni-germany-austria
katrina || i love your way

carla  ||  flight of the thorups

khyrie || good news is coming
lauren || live.love.lauren
harley and jane || harley and jane

aS DLFKJlkjsdflksjdfklasd

i just got this text 

i'm kind of thinking/hoping it's not.

but i honestly wouldn't put it past him.

he just told me i "should be flattered."

grreat...

free dais

frydai
it was scabby's one week anniversary! 

i went into a cave.

it was cool/creepy/muddy.

my purple pants are brown.

looks like i'll be doing laundry again.
there is such a thing as too much country.

satherdai

i saw my khyrie.

and mother and father.

it was a really good day.

we got a lot accomplished.

sondai

my scabbyscab looks better.

i made enchiladas with craigory and jutrass.

they were delicious.

except jutrass put ketchup on his.

gross.

now we're studying.

and listening to my yellow.jellow playlist.

mmmm.

we are the next iron chefs.