that one time food let me down.

dinner was supposed to be garlic pepper cod
with twice baked potatoes.
now, before you think i'm some fancy domestic goddess,
i should tell you the cod was prepackaged, marinated and from costco
while the potatoes were frozen omaha steak gifts my grandma gave us for christmas.
yeah...

so here's how my fast and easy and fancy meal turned out.

the fish wouldn't cook (literally would not)
so we decided to have sandwiches.
we mayonnaise'd and miracle whipped our costco hoagie buns,
excited to have sandwiches on such a holy vessel
only to find the ham and turkey and cheese were molded.
aaaand with only one egg left,
egg sandwiches were a distant, delicious dream.
did i mention the potatoes were cooked and plated?

i didn't think it was possible for food
to kick a sister while she was down,
but it totally can.
and let me tell you, food kicks hard.
i mean, really?
was nothing going to work?
at least i didn't cry.
i guess that counts for something.

in the end,
cory and i had twice baked potatoes
and a bowl of honey bunches of oats for dinner.

sometimes, no matter how hard you try to make things work,
they don't.
life can be hard and frustrating and stupid
and sometimes that means
you have to eat potatoes with a side of cereal.

at least we still have ice cream cake.

on a lighter note: a baby with her baby.

  jude is kind of in love with her bottle.

humor me as i caption each photo with what i believe she's thinking.

1. never leave me. ever.
2. ahhhh. i love you so much! be my best friend forever.

and finally, my favorite jude + bottle shot ever.
3. it's okay, baby. mama's got you.

bikini bra courtesy of microsoft paint
and because i knew my mom would have a heart-attack
if she saw a "nakey" picture of jude on the internet.

please note: these pictures were taken a few months ago.
her rolls have gotten significantly rollier since then.

mawlk.

i started writing an ode to cow's milk...

oh sweet cow, i love you so.

i love your milk

which from your utter doth flow. 

and then it started getting weird so i stopped.
i just wanted to dedicate some space here to milk
and all its delicious byproducts.

cheddar cheese.
ice cream.
yogurt.
string cheese.
milk.
cottage cheese.
cookies and milk.
mozarella cheese.
pizza.
parmesan cheese.
alfredo sauce.
every ben and jerry's flavor ever.
milk and cake for breakfast.
muenster cheese.
cold sandwiches.
grilled cheese sandwiches.
panini sandwiches.
sub sandwiches.
subway.
$5 foot longs.
sour cream.
chalupas.
beefy crunch burrito.
taco bell.
frosties.
milkshakes.
french fries.
cream cheese.
buttermilk syrup.
caramel.

moral of the story.
everything delicious either comes from milk or pairs incredibly with a milk product.
so if you don't drink milk,
i'm sorry.
but i'm also kind of glad because, more for me.

also, bacon.

getting personal on a level no one asked for.

now that i'm at the stage where murphlina could come any day,

i find myself being better with personal hygiene.

i'm only allowing myself to go every other day without washing my hair.

instead of, you know three or four days...

i'm also making more of an effort 

to regularly shave my legs.

for some reason it's really important to me

to have smooth legs when i go into labor.

sometimes it's just easier to chill out on the toilet for an extra few minutes

because you know you're going to need to pee again as soon as flush.

i'm convinced they invented smart phones

for all the pregnant ladies who took five extra minutes of 

"just in case" time on the toilet.

on the same note,

how is it possible that i always empty my bladder

before hopping in the shower

and, without fail, by the end of said shower,

i need to empty it again?

what is the science on this?

i can go from not hungry at all 

to ravenous in 30 seconds flat.

that's when it gets scary.

like, 

GIVE ME ALL THE FOOD 

AND GIVE IT TO ME NOOOOOOW.

like, i scare myself when it gets that bad.

cory doesn't think i'm going to want to eat as much as i think i will after i give birth.

he thinks i'll be too exhausted from pushing a human out

and food will be the last thing on my mind.

the two things at the top of my list are currently:

a double-double animal style, fries and a shake

or all the sushi's and a shake.

either way, i'm getting a shake at the end of this.

food is still a big part of my life. just in case you were wondering.

whenever i eat a pb&j with raspberry jam,

my wombmate goes nuts. 

kicking like crazy and loving every bite.

jalepeno poppers always lure me in

with the promise of cheese and a crunchy outside.

as soon as i take that first bite,

they immediately turn on me by

burning my mouth and upsetting my stomach.

next time, i'm skipping the middle man

and going straight for mozarella sticks. 

i never want to buy chocolate peanut butter ice cream

but whenever i'm eating ice cream i think,

"man, chocolate peanut butter ice cream

would be gooooood right about now."

i continue to singlehandedly 

drink almost a gallon of milk a week.

sometimes cory helps out

but most of the credit/blame/strong bones belong to me.

speaking of milk,

i never thought i could love 2%

as much as i do.

everything else is just white water.

last night i worked on some night cheese.

colby jack.

freshly sliced off the brick.

i can't even talk about how delicious it was. 

cheese is the reason i could never be vegan.

also, milk.

and ice cream.

and bacon.

and literally all the foods.

a list of things i am currently excited for.

stuffing.

mashed potatoes.

turkey sandwiches.
pecan pie.
fresh whipped cream.

hazelnut hot chocolate.
watching christmas vacation.
being able to blast christmas music
without being told it's "too early."
snow.snow.snow.
decorating for christmas.
buying a new stocking.
a baby.

duh.

i should be folding laundry but, brownies.

i recently self-diagnosed myself with

a disease called,

"if there are brownies in the house,

eat all of them before breakfast.

then make more."

yesterday i washed all of baby girl's clothes.
in less than six weeks and i'll be an official "mom."
it doesn't feel real
but it can't come soon enough. 

please do your lives a favor

and read this article

about how cory and topanga fell in love again.

it literally melted my heart. 

words cannot even express how excited i am

for girl meets world. 

wiiknd: pregnancy is glamorous.

sunday morning i woke up at 6:30

with an empty stomach and a full bladder.

i walked straight to the fridge,

ate a piece of cold, yet delicious, crazy bread

and drank egg nog straight from the carton.

then, with my bladder nigh unto bursting,

i waddled to the whiz palace 

and did my thang.

by the time i got back to bed,

i was too awake from snacking and restrooming

to go back to sleep.

i played pop cat until cory woke up

and forced my half-asleep baby daddy

 to scratch my pregnant back.

an apologetic rant followed by a few of my favorite things.

first thing's first.
i'd like to take this moment and publicly apologize
to every pregnant woman whose belly i have ever asked to touch.
i am so, so sorry.
if only i knew then what i know now.
it's awful.
 just because there's a baby inside,
doesn't make it public property.
while i'm grateful i never rubbed your belly like a lamp
waiting for a genie to pop out,
i still feel sorry for the whole belly-touching thing.

personality update:
i still hate people.


on to happier things.

internet cats and pizza!

does life get any better?!

happy weekend, children.

may your pizzas be greasy and your bellies untouched. 

it's 3:53

i just got out of the shower.

chicken is defrosting for dinner.

box elder bugs have invaded my home.

i long for change in a backwards kind of way.

i found my first stretch mark on my belly this weekend.

it made me smile.

grow baby, grow!

oh! dinner includes pillsbury crescent rolls

& i'm r e a l l y excited about it. 

chocolate things...chocolate thingies...

this video rekindled my love for the internet.
i think it's healing me from this death cold.

i just can't.

peanut butter and raisins.

is that a thing?

happy weekend.

i'm going to watch this until i cry.

then i'll eat some ice cream.

speaking of food,

 i ate four pieces of toast this morning.

four.

i don't even feel bad about it

 or feel the need to justify it by saying they were small.

i felt like a classy trucker with my four toasts

and cup of mint tea. 

do you think the kid used crunchy or smooth

with their peanut butter and raisin dish?

personally, i think crunchy would be better.

but really, is that a thing?

wiiknd: "i follow myspace tom on instagram. he's insaane." - kelli

clean. candy crush. repeat.

new fridge.

fall/farewell party.

kylee + kelli + katrina + ayley + hannah.
carla via iphone.

caramel apples.

chips and dip.

instax love.

mission + baby related conversations.

"i craved tires."

comcast fail.

best.nap.ever.

training for dayyyyz.
cookbook reading.

costco.

garlic butter samples.

taquitos. finally.

sweet baby ray's honey mustard = heaven.

mediocre grocery stores.

the holy war.

early up.

three day hair.

kylee's farewell.

circle of love.

a teary goodbye.

ox in the mire.

"this is the best honey mustard of my life."

sunday nap.

picture/shelf/ledge/curtain hanging.
cookbook reading.

little matie kisses.

new potatoes + scorched butter x2.
INTERWEBZZZZ!!!!!

wiiknd: we spent three hours watching movie trailers. it was perfect.

laundry + cleaning for mama.

hospital.

parenthood catch up.
daddy = home.

baby hugs heal.

overboard.

speed cleaning.

pizza breakdown.

floods of tears.

real talk.

understanding + patience + love.
so much love.

double time.

"i hate people."

easter egg hunt.

deviled eggs.

old navy stock up.

"just let me spoil you."

hospital.
so much improvement.

"wait! when we have kids, i'm not allowed to whine. :("

sandwiches.

late night snack heavennn.

red.

bruce willis crush, reignited.

movie trailer marathon. 

bed at 1:45.

sleep until 11:21.

whispered "happy easter"s.

donnie darko pancakes.

girls.

"i'm sorry you married a hipster."
church in ogden.
baby giggles during serious talks.
myrtle manor.
new potatoes + scorched butter heaven.
worst cooks finale.

|   |   |   |   |   |   |

food and tv
basically sum up my life.
and i'm completely okay with that.

wiiknd: these days revolved around food, blake, anders, & adam.

freedom.

sister time.

baby giggles.

real world: st. thomas.

onion ring fail.

grocery shopping.

grilled chicken salad.

workaholics.

10:41 wake up.

fancy eye mask.

open windows + sunshine.

extreme couponing.

laundry.

sunshine cuddles.

 popping tags.

homemade pulled pork bbq.

homemade coleslaw.

homemade sweet potato fries.

homemade kool-aid.

workaholics.

delicatessen.

snores + insomnia.

pinch retaliation.

early church.

coleslaw nibbles.

quesadilla lunch.

 workaholics.

green wigs.

centerville for dinner.

idaho plans.

ogden for baby time.

things i am excited to taste this summer.

freedom.

peach rainbows.

state fair corn.

fresh blackberries.

fresh strawberries.

ice cold lemonade.

vanilla soft-serve ice cream.

cole slaw.

grilled burgers.

grilled chicken.

grilled pineapple.

these winter soups 

& teas

& hot chocolates

have filled me for too long.

give me something freshly grown

 & simple

& good.

give me something that doesn't require

a microwave or defrosting time.

for pete's sake,
give me something i can pick
& wash
& eat
on a blanket in the sun
while i listen to birds chirping
and park-goers laughing.

just give me summer already.

'spretty cool

Δ finding twenty dollars Δ

Δ washing all the dirty clothes Δ

Δ folding/putting away all the clean clothes Δ

Δ crying during big fish Δ

Δ talking about tv characters like they're regular people Δ
Δ catching up on modern family Δ 

Δ eating sea salt caramel gelato straight out of the container Δ

Δ baking tilapia like a true chopped champion Δ

Δ realizing your air dried hair makes you look like

jgl in 3rd rock from the sun Δ

wiiknd: she looked like a fancy, sassy toddler.

alt summit snap chats with kylee.

damien rice. 

city walking.

cheesecake factory dreams, crushed.

squatter's.

BEST.ONION.RINGS.OF.MY.LIFE.

stomach betrayal.

generic pepto. 

sweet, sweet sleep.

fixed drain.

costco madness.

hot dogs + churros.

butcher paper heaven.

talk prep.

talk freak out.

modern family.

thoughts, organized.

early to rise.

drunk butterflies.

contact freakout.

cold hands.

nervous poops.

constant flow of tears + muffled words.

talk delivered.
blizzard.

vine wagon.
baptism.
baby cuddles.
modern family.
dreams of a canceled monday.

wiiknd: this snow has brightened my soul

stuck on the way to work.

 cory saves the day.

1600 penn = trying too hard.

"tonight, treatyoself."

stuffed shrimp letdown.

garlic cheddar biscuits.

climbing a snow mountain.

ice cream cones.
biggest loser.

cuddling to keep warm.

sickness strikes again.

work.

flakey mcflake-flake.

costco.
!!!EGGOS!!!
regular groceries.
free table.
queso.
fresh polish.
biggest loser.
arrested development.
nyquil shots.

sickface party of one.
laundry.
organizing.
goodbye christmas.
stupid football.
real talk.
couch cuddles.
everything is illuminated.
hemingway before bed.

wiiknd: snow = christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

snow!

grocery shopping.

stroganoff from hell.

the voice. 

team adam 4 lyfe.

also, nicholas. 

ice cream in bed.

imgur.

snow like woah.

work.

off before noon.

football game + baby time = cancelled.

decoration planning.

d8 nite.

target + bed, bath & beyond.

zupa's.

it's always sunny.

late start.

cereal + toast.

cazj.

church.

cazj.

it's always sunny.

ice cream.

"we giggled a lot..."

yesterday....

i did laundry,

cleaned house,

made the bed,

washed my hair,

put on pants,

put on lipstick,

put on half-a-face of makeup,

drove to the grocery store,

made cory's favorite meal,

took off my nail polish,

watched fashion police,

caught up on downton abbey,

and fell asleep cuddling.

the only thing i should regret 

is spending two hours in the morning

watching valentine's day.

i wish i could say i do,

but this whole "love" thing has turned me into a sap.

that being said,

taylor swift should never 

everrrr

act again.

e.v.e.r.