Wednesday, June 5, 2013

bees: a story from my childhood

mami dropped me off at class
like she did every other weekday.
i'd been a kindergartner for at least a few weeks
and was used to the drill.
but something was different today.
my four-year-old self could not handle
the fact my mom was leaving me.

i started a deafening combination of scream-crying.
i ran to the giant windows.
i pounded and pounded and pounded
trying to break the glass 
that separated us. 

after a few failed attempts to distract me from 
the windows,
my teacher ran to get help from one of the parents.
her red curls bounced as she asked him to help
her move a giant set of bookshelves
in front of the windows.
i figured out their plan before they could execute it.
i ran to another set of windows.

i cried for my mama.
my tears burned as they fell down my cheeks.
she put her hand on the glass and smiled.
i knew she was telling me everything was okay.
as badly as i wanted to believe her,
i couldn't shake my fear.

defeated, my teacher opened the door.
i ran into one of the safest hugs
i will ever be wrapped in.
i can still remember how soft her cheek felt against mine.
we walked over to the patio
and sat at a round table.
i remember running my shoes over
the sand covered concrete.

she held me close and rocked me.
she had me breathe deep to stop my hyperventilating. 
my head rested on her chest.
she was wearing her bee shirt. 
my favorite shirt.
it was a speckled steel blue.
the bee was my favorite part.
with its silky black and gold body.
i touched the smooth fabric as she promised
to come back for me after class.

she kissed my head and told me to be strong.
she stood me up, had me look at her and breathe.
we tried to get the red splotches on my face to calm down
before i walked back in to class. 

i walked into a room of eyeballs and dropped jaws.
after one last hug,
my mom handed me off to my teacher 
who took my hand and walked me to my desk.

i can't remember what i learned
or who i played with at recess.
all i can remember is looking out the window
when class was almost over,
and seeing my mami standing there.
in my favorite bee shirt.
waiting to give me a hug. 


Christina @ The Murrayed Life said...

Reading this all choked up with goosebumps. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a mom now and am expected to be that strong one and feel so unready. Or maybe that I can remember feeling that exact way sometimes with my mom. Or maybe it's just the hormones.

But I think you wrote this fantastically and am so glad you had such a loving mother. <3

kylie said...

this is beautiful.

Jessica Wray said...

Oh, B.! You really hit home with this one. I remember a day like this myself. I hadn't gotten to school yet, but something in me insisted I stay home with my mom. She let me and I will never forget that day. We went to Taco Time.

beth said...

You remember kindergarten?? I have very, very, VERY, few memories of kindergarten. One to be exact. And Mami is the best Mami :) said...

ohgodohgodohgod i am a blubbering mess now. whoops. gah, this is the best. my mom had (ahem, still has) this hard rock sweatshirt + pink sweatpants combo from 1987 that makes me get all bee-shirty, too. homegirl still rocks it, and i hope your mom still rocks hers, too.

kylee said...

motherhood is so good. and how in the world do you remember this? i can't remember a single thing from kindergarten, not a single thing.