bees: a story from my childhood

mami dropped me off at class

like she did every other weekday.

i'd been a kindergartner for at least a few weeks

and was used to the drill.

but something was different today.

my four-year-old self could not handle

the fact my mom was leaving me.

i started a deafening combination of scream-crying.

i ran to the giant windows.

i pounded and pounded and pounded

trying to break the glass 

that separated us. 

after a few failed attempts to distract me from 

the windows,

my teacher ran to get help from one of the parents.

her red curls bounced as she asked him to help

her move a giant set of bookshelves

in front of the windows.

i figured out their plan before they could execute it.

i ran to another set of windows.

i cried for my mama.

my tears burned as they fell down my cheeks.

she put her hand on the glass and smiled.

i knew she was telling me everything was okay.

as badly as i wanted to believe her,

i couldn't shake my fear.

defeated, my teacher opened the door.

i ran into one of the safest hugs

i will ever be wrapped in.

i can still remember how soft her cheek felt against mine.

we walked over to the patio

and sat at a round table.

i remember running my shoes over
the sand covered concrete.

she held me close and rocked me.

she had me breathe deep to stop my hyperventilating. 

my head rested on her chest.

she was wearing her bee shirt. 

my favorite shirt.

it was a speckled steel blue.

the bee was my favorite part.

with its silky black and gold body.

i touched the smooth fabric as she promised

to come back for me after class.

she kissed my head and told me to be strong.

she stood me up, had me look at her and breathe.

we tried to get the red splotches on my face to calm down

before i walked back in to class. 

i walked into a room of eyeballs and dropped jaws.

after one last hug,

my mom handed me off to my teacher 

who took my hand and walked me to my desk.

i can't remember what i learned

or who i played with at recess.

all i can remember is looking out the window
when class was almost over,
and seeing my mami standing there.
in my favorite bee shirt.
waiting to give me a hug.