one month || 01.08.15

it's kind of hard to believe a month has passed since i went to the hospital to get my "leaking" checked out. i had a feeling it was my water breaking, but i didn't want to be that crazy pregnant lady who mistook incontinence for a slow water leak. i cleaned the house like crazy. i'm calling it speed nesting. other than a few mild cramps in my back, i felt fantastic. cory was worried but kept quiet while i frantically changed the sheets and wiped down our nightstands. he's a good man.
he kept telling me i didn't need to worry about bringing all my stuff just to get checked out, but i knew. i knew once i stepped foot in that hospital, i wouldn't be coming home without a baby.

my water broke but my body wasn't in labor. we basically had to start from scratch. i was admitted to the delivery room around two o'clock sunday afternoon and didn't have a baby until 4:46 monday morning. funny story. right before i had ezra, the nurse checked me and i was at a six. two minutes later another nurse checked me and i was at a nine. three contractions later and little ezra was here. i held him for maybe three minutes before i let them check his stats. with jude, they checked her and i got to hold her immediately after. i thought it would be the same this time. it wasn't. they checked him, saw he was in respiratory distress, wrapped him up and let me hold him for one minute before they took him away. i wasn't able to see him for an hour.

when i first saw my boy he was perfect. pink and squirmy and screaming. just the way i like my fresh little babes. the second time i saw him, he was hooked up to oxygen with wires stuck onto his tiny little torso monitoring his stats. i didn't get to hold him. i didn't get to kiss him. i didn't get to snuggle and study him the way i wanted to. all i could do was sit in my wheelchair and touch his little hands and legs and feet. he could only be in transition for six hours and if he didn't improve by then, he'd have to head down to the nicu. while in transition, cory and his dad gave our sweet little boy a priesthood blessing. as scary and foreign as this situation was for us, the blessing gave us peace. the spirit comforted us and i wasn't as terrified anymore, i knew ezra would be home soon. i just knew it.

six hours and one hallway puke later, ezra was moved to the nicu. he was in the pod with the "newest and the sickest." when i heard that, my heart sank. but one of the sweet nurses assured us he was just in there because he was a recent add to the nicu, not because he was the sickest. little ez did so well. on his fourth day, he was off oxygen, his iv fluids, antibiotics and bili lights. it was amazing being able to see him with just his feeding tube. ezzy boy spent the next five days resting and mastering the art of eating on his own.

when that little kid decided he was ready to get better, he meant it. ezra was discharged on the 17th at nine days old. i cried when i said goodbye to the nurses. i have so much love and appreciation and respect for all the doctors and nurses who work in the nicu. it was so humbling to see how many people were involved with ezra's care and recovery. i have a special place in my heart for the nurses. they loved ezra as much as we did. they told us to go home and get rest so we could take care of him. they told cory to feed me ice cream so i could keep making milk. they helped make something so scary and hard a little bit easier and i am so grateful to them for that.

it's been a month since sweet ezra joined our little family.
it's gone so fast and felt so right.
i don't know how we ever lived without him.