Friday, October 19, 2012

ain't no sunshine.

i spent my wednesday night in a cabin
at a young women's retreat.
i slept alone in a twin-sized bed
underneath a loft of girls who didn't stop giggling
until two:thirty in the morning.
i slept in a wrinkly sleeping bag 
on a pillow that was too fluffy.

wednesday night was my first night sleeping alone 
since august 9.
wednesday night was the worst.

it's friday 
and instead of gearing up for a whirlwind
of new girl, football games, cleaning and cuddling,
i'm forcing myself to smile.

cory's going hunting this weekend.
this morning was the longest goodbye.
i didn't want to let go.
i hate that i had to.

the apartment felt empty when he left.
but it wasn't normal kind of empty.

it's the kind of empty you feel
when the arms that hold you every night
won't be able to.
the kind of empty you feel 
when your heart cries a little 
because you won't be able to look into your favorite eyes, 
or hear your favorite laugh, or see your favorite face.

it's an awful kind of empty.
sunday can't come soon enough.


Janette said...

WOW! That's really soon! Our first night apart was about 1 year after our marriage.. Our friend was hosting an all girl party at our house and she forced me to sleep with the girls.. My husband was locked away in his room.. In retrospect, this person was a horrible friend and I can't believe she made me do that, or that I even listened to her.. It was tough.. Remind me to unfriend her!

But just think , B, reuniting will be magical!


Alex said...

Aw hun I know what you mean. But it does get better/easier! And just think how great it will be when Cory is back :) Chin up buttercup!

Elisha said...

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder".. The more your away, the closer you'll get when back together. GOOD luck!

Harley said...

oh my gosh. i remember the first time michael left for 4 days....

i watched a million redbox movies
ate ice cream
and bought myself some stuff from ikea.

and then he was home and I was happy! he brought me a spoon.

from head 2 toe said...

Distance really does make it fonder. It sounds lame, but it's true! Derek spent the month of March away M-F at a hospital down South. It wasn't too bad. Now, he's in another state, and again, it hasn't been too bad! Just keep yourself busy and watch all those shows and movies he hates. Do all the laundry and clean so when Sunday night comes you can be all his!

ayley said...

crazy. i hate just even thinking about this!!! i'm a scaredy cat and a baby. i'd go sleep at my parent's house.

-Danica- said...

Boo. That is the WORST :( Sorry girl.. I know this man who might be able to help. His name is Tracy Jordan - and he will fill the void.

Nicole P. said...

Ahhh that is dreadful. I am terribly sorry. Sleeping without husbands is the absolute worst.

Mary said...

You just need to know (in case you didn't already) that I love your writing. A whole lot. kthxbye

Sara said...

Funny how sleeping alone becomes THE ABSOLUTE WORST after you get married. I hope Sunday comes soon for you! PS last time I was alone was when I was marathoning PLL. Talk about paranoia.

megan danielle said...

i just have to say, i love this. its better than being grateful for the space. missing someone can be great. confirms the love youve got.