i spent my wednesday night in a cabin
at a young women's retreat.
i slept alone in a twin-sized bed
underneath a loft of girls who didn't stop giggling
until two:thirty in the morning.
i slept in a wrinkly sleeping bag
on a pillow that was too fluffy.
wednesday night was my first night sleeping alone
since august 9.
wednesday night was the worst.
and instead of gearing up for a whirlwind
of new girl, football games, cleaning and cuddling,
i'm forcing myself to smile.
cory's going hunting this weekend.
this morning was the longest goodbye.
i didn't want to let go.
i hate that i had to.
the apartment felt empty when he left.
but it wasn't normal kind of empty.
it's the kind of empty you feel
when the arms that hold you every night
won't be able to.
the kind of empty you feel
when your heart cries a little
because you won't be able to look into your favorite eyes,
or hear your favorite laugh, or see your favorite face.
it's an awful kind of empty.
sunday can't come soon enough.