documentation.

 mascara was everywhere.

wiped across my shirt,

tattooed on my arm,

smudged under my left eye.

my red nose matched 

 the thin red line that framed my swollen lips.

that's what happens when i cry.

my lips get bigger and everything turns red.

there is no hiding my emotions.

ever.

i worry.

it's what i do.

i worry too soon,

i worry too much,

i worry to the point of tears.

sometimes everything can be too much

 and lately, 

"sometimes" seem to come around all the time.

praying for a break

 in these back-to-back obstacles is useless.

not because i think my prayers will go unheard,

but because i know there is something i need to learn.

it's a learning game.
it's a waiting game.

it's a faith game.

i get it, i really do.

i know later on i'll be grateful for these experiences

and the lessons i learned.

i know these moments will make me better.

they will make me a stronger, more patient person.

i get it.

but later isn't here yet. 

and right now, 

i wish it were someone else's turn to bat. 

sidenote[s]:

i understand that someone is always up to bat. 

i'm not alone in this trial crap-fest.

but when you're in the moment, stuck in the middle of all this stress, you feel like the only one.

selfishness at it's best. 

also, i hate baseball. 

please don't ask why i chose to make that analogy. it's simply the best sport to relate to life. 

bats, bases, home, strikes, tight pants...

it just works.