i don't even know what to title these things anymore.

i've been on an ugly betty binge

and i have absolutely no idea why.

she's finally getting her freaking braces off.

the kickin' mango slurpee

from the sev is my jam this summer.

unfortunately, i've only been able to find it at one location.

i told cory not to spill creamie

on our 2 for $20 pillows.

he just looked at me and asked me why

i didn't care about him spilling on the couch

that cost way more than $20.

jude is teething and it's going nuts. 

nuts as in her four front teeth

coming in all at once. 

please. send. help. 

all i want to do is be an a-list celeb

on this dang kim k. game.

don't ask me why it matters so much to me.

but right now, it's everything.

i wait for jude to nap so i can play.

if i can't be kim's bff in real life, 

i can settle for this. 

everything is the worst. except not really.

cory had to go to the middle of nowhere for work today.

which means he won't get back until late.

which meant i was flying solo tonight.

which is kind of intimidating. 

but, i did it. 

i did it and i feel like a champ.

i fed jude rice cereal. 

alone.

it may sound simple, but it's a big freakin' deal.

homegurl always tries to twist her way out of her bumbo

so one of us usually has to entertain her while the other one feeds her.

i fed her and wrangled her and took pictures of her while she ate.

i felt like friggin superwoman.

i gave her a bath.

alone.

this is a medium deal.

i've done it before so it's not too bad

the only scary part is trying to get a slippery baby in a towel

without completely soaking myself in the process. 

other exciting things to note about today/tonight:

the weather was perfect.

the windows have been open all day. 

we went on a walk and it brightened my soul. 

jude rolled over from her back to her right side for the first time.

she did it for a bottle. little chunk.

i straightened up the house.

vacuumed the basement.

washed the dishes.

including those annoying little baby bullet containers.

thought about folding laundry. 

binge watched bunheads. 

blogged.

some of those things were done throughout the day.

which is also kind of amazing

because with the amount of tv i've watched today,

my house should not be this clean. 

i feel like i've talked about tv more than i've talked about jude.

does that make me a bad mom?

whatever.

i miss cory.

nights are far too productive when he's gone

and i eat greek yogurt instead of ice cream.

i am lost without him. 

i should be folding laundry but, brownies.

i recently self-diagnosed myself with

a disease called,

"if there are brownies in the house,

eat all of them before breakfast.

then make more."

yesterday i washed all of baby girl's clothes.
in less than six weeks and i'll be an official "mom."
it doesn't feel real
but it can't come soon enough. 

please do your lives a favor

and read this article

about how cory and topanga fell in love again.

it literally melted my heart. 

words cannot even express how excited i am

for girl meets world. 

we make the hipsters fall in love.

hey september,

what up?

i feel like i have a lot to catch up on.

like an overwhelming amount of a lot.

but since everything seems overwhelming right now, 

i'm just going to ignore the catch up altogether.

cory and i just got back from hawaii.

the things i miss most are:

macadamia ice cream.

coconut macadamia shrimp.

matsumoto shaved ice.

plate lunches.

kalua pork.

mac salad.

coconut crispies.

oh, and like the beach or whatever.

now that we're back "in america"

we're in packing mode.

i hate packing mode.

i tend to pack at my own pace and am usually accompanied

by an antm marathon. 

it helps ease the pain. 

but yesterday cory took the tv over to our house 

so i'm basically forced to pack distraction free and it's killing me.

one day i'll post some hawaii pictures (mostly food related)

and talk about how much i loved the green mountains
and my first experience with cankles,

but for now these recently discovered snaps will have to do.

sidenote:
any and all distractions and/or youtube recommendations

would be greatly appreciated

in my time of need.

i guess this is my life.

i finished all my wedding thank you cards.

now i just need stamps.

looks like it'll be another year

before we get those suckers out.

i started playing candy crush on facebook

and suddenly all these people are

sending me requests. 

i'm sorry, what?

you don't talk to me for two years

and now you want to rekindle our friendship

because i occasionally crush some candy?

no. 

i'm considering cutting my own hair.

my friend found a tutorial and said it's doable.

i'm only slightly terrified. 

i'm more afraid of having cory dye my hair.

i might give myself some bangs.

i'm too scared to go full frontal because

i'm afraid of getting a swollen face

and looking like a puffy version

of my azn self. 

and finally.

i've taken to wearing cory's crocs around the apartment

because the hard floor hurts my feet

and these stupid things are like 

walking on a cloud.

i hate that i'm turning into the person

i promised myself i would never become. 

sh*t [teenage] girls say

at girl's camp,

my sciatica was acting up 

and my favorite little leg reader had a bum knee.

so when the rest of our group went on a hike,

we opted to stay behind and hangout at the waterfront.

one of the leaders came up to us and asked us

what activity our ward was doing.

i told her they went hiking

and we stayed behind because homegirl had a bum knee.

before i could even mention my pinched nerve,

this little spitfire blurts out:

"she can't go on the hike 

because she's overweight."

uhhhhh.

srsly?

like...really?

later she told me she meant to say
i was pregnant not overweight.

i'm not buying it.
first she calls me horse legs
now this?

homegirl has it out for me.

this is what they said: "sell yourself in ten words or less."

- - - - - - - - 

hot and ready.

just five bucks.

- - - - - - - - 

any questions?

a moment like this.

the highlight/moment of my day
worth sharing
was originally when i took a shower at 11:30

and put on the same clothes i was wearing
before i took a shower.

then i found these pictures of my
baby sister thinking she's hawt
on my computer.

and this moment replaced the first moment
like woah.
i mean,
look at this gold. 

getting ready is worth documenting.

"cory, i feel like i could wear this outfit

in front of princess kate.

i honestly think she would approve."

and this is the reason

i will never be a fashion blogger.

trolololol.

"only whores dye their hair red." - scottie2hottie*

my hair seems to have a

tinge of the ginge right now.

i swear it was only slightly on purpose,

but i completely understand 

if you don't want to talk to me anymore.

*real quote from a real friend.

i am not a crook whore.

observations from my day off.

i'm a really good dream spy.

like, really good.

the only time i am ever jealous of boys

is when i am asked to pee in a cup.

there is nothing wrong with sitting down

next to a bag of marshmallow mateys

just in case you want more

 after the cereal in your cup is gone

and the milk seems lonely.

fashion police makes

missing the golden globes

hurt less.

heartbreak is when

the latest episode of pretty little liars

hasn't been uploaded for my viewing pleAsure.

i am more productive 
when the television is on and muted.

i feel like i have seen every cycle of antm
in the history of antm. 
why is tyra so crazy?

lunch with good people
who genuinely care about your happiness
and believe in you
does wonders for the heart.

sh*t [teenage] girls say

"were you born in the year of the horse?"

"what? i don't know. i was born in 1989.

is that the year of the horse?"

"how old are you?"

"twenty-three."

"yeah, you were born the year of the horse.

i can tell by your legs"

"because i just fake squatted..?"

"no, because your legs are skinny at the bottom

and then go big...and muscular at the top.

like a horse."

|     |     |     |     |     |     |

that just happened.

fourteen year old girls make this world

such a better place. 

xoxo,

horse legs.

heeeeeeeey sexxxi ladaaaaay.

i'm still obsessed with opa gangnam style.

in fact, i spent one of my days off

researching opa gifs and memes and images.

it's becoming an illness.

i mean, 

i even opa gangnam styled our shower.

[three cheers to madi and dani for the best.wedding.present.ever]

in other news,

this picture is an instagrammed version of the original.

you know, filtered and turned into a square.

it's pretty popular these days.

meh.

i guess what i'm trying to say is...

this is me,

giving into peer pressure

and taking my instalife off private.

@breesah.

whatever. 

happy weekend.

since i have the evidence.

the day before my birthday 

was spent eating the biggest, most delicious scones

and cross fitting like woah in a public park

with the original flamingo stripper herself. 

aka: shay.

there are just a few things i'd like to clear up 

for those of you who think you know shay.

 she is not a giant.

in fact, she's not even close to being one.

she gives the most awkward hugs.

and when i say awkward, i mean it.

we're talking more awkward than the 

voldy + draco hug in hp.vii.pt.ii.

ducks are included in her bird-phobia.

yeah, it's real. 

she froze in place when we came across a colony of them
and i was laughing too hard to take a picture.

she will pressure you into being a stripper.

don't be afraid to say no.

her recap of the day is better/more accurate

than this mumbo jumbo.
but we both agreed on one thing,
our little friendship fits.
it works.
and the fact that we both like to talk, listen and be stupid in public
doesn't hurt it one bit.

oh, and she got a video of my voice
doing what it does best.
criticizing pda.
[public displays of "art." obviously.]

meh.

i changed my header/banner/whatever.

this is how i feel about it:

meh.

i just thought you children would like to stare at something other than my face

whenever you click on my bloggity blog.

this picture does have some of my favorite thing though.

i have listed them below.

realization.

when it comes to blogging.

i don't use proper capitalization.

i'm obsessed with center alignment.

i like to keep my titles short and sweet {usually}.

but i mostly realized how obsessed i am with center alignment.

my posts.

my layout.

.e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

okay.

i guess that's all i wanted to say.

nice talkin to ya.