Thursday, August 28, 2014

a sunday in july.

there are moments in life
that don't feel real as you're living them.
you feel like you're out of your body
and you're watching and you're thinking,
"no. this isn't real. this doesn't happen in real life."
but it did.

so you push those moments down.
you hide them away in a bag inside a box inside a closet inside a room inside your mind
because you don't want to remember.
because your heart can't handle the feelings that will surface when you do.
but you have to remember.
you have to recall.
you have to write it down.

a month and some days go by
and you find yourself in front of a blank screen,
the cursor blinking, waiting for you to unlock that room and open that door.
waiting for you to find that box you buried so you can open the crumpled bag.
a month wasn't enough time for dust to collect
but you go through the motions as if there were dust to clean.
you sit there, with that moment in your hands
and you let it seep back into your heart.
you close your eyes and remember.
a tear slips out.
then another.
then some more.

your heart is beating.
no - it's pounding.
"stop. please. don't feel this again.
don't remember. just forget.
it's so much easier if you just forget."
but you can't and you shouldn't.
because the pain and the tears and the cries
that littered that downtown driveway
are the fuel you need to keep writing.
to keep fighting.

you will never stop fighting.
you will never stop believing.
you will never stop hoping.

soon.
it'll all be over soon.

3 comments:

meg bird said...

I really don't know how to handle these kind of things. That fill you so full of sadness and disbelief that you can't function if you keep it in your conscious thoughts.

This is probably a depressing comment, but I hope you are able to work through this, whatever it is.

kylie said...

first of all, i hope everything gets better soon. i'm sending love to you.

secondly, you are a brilliant, gifted writer and wonderful human.

-Danica- said...

This gave me chills. Sending hugs through the internet xxxx