blue tie in the blinding snow.

sunday i went for a drive with my friend.  we went to the temple and just sat and talked.  apparently sunday is temple day at the mtc and there were hundreds of young men and women walking past us.  just when we were about to leave my friend said "ohmygosh, it's jamie."  i turned and looked up and there he was.  my baby brother.  wearing a black hooded pea coat, a dark blue tie and dance/walking in the middle of a snowstorm.  he did a double take and covered his mouth.  then he made a heart with his hands and smiled.  he told his companions and they turned and waved.  i looked at lauren and smiled.  i think she knew exactly what i was going to do.  i turned my car around and headed to the temple.  i had to see my jamie once more.  i drove up and went through the parking lot parallel to the temple.  i saw my brother again. our eyes locked and i blew him a kiss.  he did the same and then we both did the "i love you sign."  we smiled and i started to cry.  he looked so good.  he looks a little older but it's still him.  his companions waved and smiled and i had to drive away.  i didn't roll down my window to talk to him, i just looked.  i feel like those three minutes said more than words ever could.  "i love you."  "i miss you."  "please be careful."  "you can do this."  "i love you."

i woke up this morning to my telephone.  i was getting called from some number in texas.  i answered and it was him.  hearing his voice instantly woke me up.  he said "seeing you yesterday was the highlight of my week."  i told him i loved him over and over again.  i said "you'll do great jamie.  you're going to be so good."  we ended with an "i love you." and that was it.  the next time i hear his voice will be Christmas.  i needed that.  i needed to see him and know he was okay.  i had to see him smile one last time.  the last time i saw his face we were all crying.  this time it was better.  this time it was happy.

i love you jamie.

you'll be great.

i just know it.

xoxo. 

b.