Tuesday, January 7, 2014

notable updates since having a baby.

"how is there poop on my arm?"
nearly all of our "top ten most terrifying moments" since becoming parents
have happened during diaper changes. 
sometimes there is a little toot to signal a rush of baby poops.
sometimes it feels like we're getting attacked by a ninja.
no toot. no warning. no prep time.
just an eruption of baby poops or pee.
our current record is using three diapers in one changing session.

"cory! i pooped! i finally pooped!"
after having a baby, it's only natural to be a bit tender
in your nether regions. 
they start pumping you full of stool softeners in the hospital
and tell you to keep it up once you get home.
it wasn't as scary as everyone told me it would be,
but i'm so glad it's over.

"i wish my boobs would just scab over already."
jude has a great latch and is a fantastic eater.
but, homegurl likes to eat.
sometimes it feels like all i do is feed her, eat a snack
and then it's time to feed her again.
when she's on a feeding frenzy, the ladies get tender.
just, so tender.
i haven't bled. i haven't cracked.
god bless lanolin!!!!
but goshdangit there are just some days i wish
they couldn't feel those surprisingly strong baby gums.

"jude, why is my shirt so wet? what is that?"
i heard stories of ladies waking up completely soaked in milk
and i was sure that would never happen to me.
one morning, i woke up with one side of my shirt drenched in milk.
i didn't shower or change my shirt all day.
...yeah...
and yes, i talk to my baby like she can understand/answer me. 
h8rz gon' h8.


remember two weeks ago when i virtually yelled
at everyone who got too tmi with me
and now i'm getting too tmi with you?
oh life.
you and your cyclical ways. 

4 comments:

Krista said...

Have you woken up with rock hard boobs yet? It is the worst. Literally, hard as rocks. Unsqueezable.

Alex Hubbard said...

This makes me scared to ever have children. Meep.

kylie said...

haha i remember babysitting and the dozens of diapers i would use in a single changing because that's what happens sometimes.
you're a rockstar mom.

Krystal Es said...

lol! i heart you!
so we face the changing pad toward us, idk its how they do it here...which meant that at 3am one morning i experienced the complete volcano explosion all over the front of my shirt. i was standing their in shock when mark walked in...i wish i could have seen what he saw so i could laugh at it!!!