well, that escalated quickly....

warning:

i'm going to do that annoying thing

where i post a picture on my blog

that i've already uploaded to instagram.

i am officially 31 weeks pregnant.

i have been in the third trimester for three weeks.

google told me i should expect to gain an average of 

eleven pounds during these last few months.

god bless the holidays. 

speaking of final trimester weight gain...

i don't know how much i've gained this pregnancy.

i don't want to know.

i face my back to the scale at every appointment.

i've told my nurse to only tell me if my weight is hurting the baby.

it is one of the most freeing feelings in the world.

i have spent my entire life battling with body image issues

and for the first time in 24 years,

i can proudly say

i.don't.care.

i know my butt has gotten bigger.

i know my thighs are rubbing a little closer.

i know there are dimples in places that don't normally have dimples.

but i don't care.

it was touch-and-go there for a bit.

that first trimester nearly broke me.

there was something about looking bloated and not pregnant

that really rocked me and made me take a few steps back.

but here i am,

heavier and happier than ever.

i am grateful for this body.

for what it's capable of.

i am grateful for my big butt and thigh dimples.

i am grateful for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy mindset.

granted, some days are easier than others.

just because i have learned to love who i am now

doesn't mean i'm immune to that little voice

that weasels its way into the back of my head

telling me i'm too big, i'm too flabby, i'm not "perfect."

sometimes i give in. 

i let it tear me down, leaving me at square one.

but lately, i'm winning.

i'm shutting that sucker up and i'm owning who i am.

those are the days i like to remember.

those are the days that are slowly but surely taking over.

i love my little girl.

not just because she's ours,

but because of what she's helped me overcome.

early on i told cory i never wanted any of our children

to hear us talk down to ourselves 

especially when it comes to weight.

i was partly inspired by my realization 

that a healthy body image starts with my example

and also by this incredible article.

"don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter,

 or talk about your new diet. 

in fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. 

buy healthy food. 

cook healthy meals. 

but don't say, "i'm not eating carbs right now." 

your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, 

because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself."

that article changed my life.

as a wife.

as a parent.

as a woman.

the hardest thing to do is believe in your beauty.

but it is possible.

and once attained, incredible.